#11 One Last Touch
One Last Touch
It’s really sad,
to be here doing this with you again. I drove 47 minutes on a narrow road hoping to melt into your couch with your hand on my knee. And my socks—peeled off onto the floor beside us. “Today won’t last” is the morbid hope with which I assure myself. Nothing moves me more than a hug when I don’t say I need it but, it’s clear I do. Nothing fractures me like this repetitive dance we begin like such fools. I don’t learn the lesson love begs to teach me, what can be said for you?
Well, I am tired from holding a tense posture along the fast lane of the road to your place. Aromas of the dinner you began preparing in anticipation of my arrival yearn to soothe me, to calm me, to remind me you do care. One thing I always know, one thing I always need to be reminded of–while hoping it’s not too much to ask. I rest on the chase lounge with my belly flat and feet propped on the arm, and my head as squished as can be into the cushion. My arm floats down to reach the carpet with fluttering fingers that yearn to caress anything at this moment, and to be caressed without words.
It’s really sad,
to be here wishing I could dance that foolish dance with you again, at least once more. I drove 47 minutes on a narrow road, and let your freeway exit become smaller in my rear view mirror, while the time increased towards a different destination. I thought about turning around and following the familiar route for old time’s sake, for my feeling’s sake. For the sake of my memory. Because, you see, I forget so easily. Still, while I’ve watched so much through my rear view mirror, I am able to remember it all. I know I won’t always be this lucky. Which is sadder:
the remembering,
or the forgetting?
The above text is an unfinished short prose piece. I wrote the first two paragraphs on January 23, 2024, and I wrote the last paragraph on July 17, 2024. So much has changed between this time. I plan to flesh it out and turn it into a longer piece. For now, it says what I mean.
*song of the month*: I Want by Mk.gee
Love 4ever,
Blair