#10 High Hopes
I no longer rely on anyone’s word. I’ve trudged through the grief of expectation—I expect nothing anymore. I hold no one to anything. I release all expectations. I am tired of getting my hopes up.
I accept more now. I accept the unspoken as truth as well. More often than not, the silence is what is loudest and most important. This perspective is absolutely coming from a place of disappointment. I’ve been given the runaround my whole life by the men in my life. It’s disappointing as a young woman, and it was disappointing as a child. I’m tired of getting my hopes up. Still, the love within me persists. While I feel the disappointment, I also understand that it’s the love teaching me this lesson as much as the disappointment. And I will always give grace.
More mental strength comes from resisting the formation of expectations. I’ve learned this through the changes I've faced this year. It’s been hard, yet what a great life lesson I’m learning. The lessons here are not lost on me. I just cannot live my life the same way, knowing that expecting anything is the hard way through, and we trouble ourselves with the struggle it brings. I’m tired of getting my hopes up. I feel freer releasing myself from the hold of expectation. Please, in turn, expect nothing of me. Allow who I am to be presented to you in the capacity that I can handle, not in the way you insist. Nobody deserves any extra pressure in most circumstances, if we can help it.
So much affects the way a person acts, reacts, thinks, speaks, etc. Who are we, if not human, to form expectations from the things around us? And who are we, if not human, to fail to live up to another’s expectations? Do you see where there is a disconnect? And where there is a hint of control? Through thorough conversation with my dear and wise friend Idriys, I see that the thing that sets me back in my growth is placing expectations on anything. He opened my eyes to why I was feeling so disappointed—it was self-inflicted! And I am soooo tired of getting my hopes up. I feel strongly about this this month because I have just now realized it, after so much time. Silence is as much of an answer as words are.
More on this eventually. I think this is all I have to say for now.
*song of the month*: Lo Que SIente la Mujer - Madonna
Lastly, I wrote and self published a book of poetry in 2023 titled Earth to Infinity. You can buy it in the “Shop” tab along with bookmarks and prints of my poetry, hand written and scanned by myself. If you enjoyed this blog or at least made it to the end, consider supporting me and purchasing an item (or a few). Thank you in advance ❤︎
Love 4ever,
Infinity